Communication skills enable growth & mental health!

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Being able to express improves self-image and imparts confidence in kids.

Communication skills training is imperative for the young ones for numerous reasons. While better communication skills help in every field, when it comes to mental health, the ability to communicate effectively has quite a few advantages. For a growing kid, self-image and confidence are vital ingredients of development and these elements are strongly linked to the child’s ability to effectively communicate in his / her environment. Thus, when it comes to communication skills training, special attention from the very start is a mandate.

Communication gaps & mental health

It seems natural that kids talk and convey their message; so what is the whole fuss about communication skills? Well yes, kids talk and they try to send out the message, but the aspect that demands attention is if they are actually able to convey the right message, comprehend what is being said and what happens if they are not!

To understand better, take the case of an infant. The baby is too young to use words or sign language and thus resorts to crying whenever anything is needed. Parents eventually get accustomed to these signs and the baby’s schedule and thus comply as per their understanding to satisfy the baby. Eventually, this child is expected to make use of spoken words and adequate sentences to express. The growth seems natural and perhaps in the safety of the home environment and in the language used at home, kid is able to convey the thoughts.

However, as the kid grows and moves out into the real world, things change quite rapidly. From physical surroundings to people, from language to mannerisms, everything changes drastically. Further clubbed with competition and academic pressures, many kids find it quite challenging to maintain pace.

How can communication skills help maintain the needed wellbeing?

This challenge which is posed by the outside world, can be countered by enhancing the communication skills. Communication skills training works on a very simple formula.

Key components:

  • To be able to say / write the desired message using the correct grammar & sentence structure.
  • Ability to patiently listen to others.
  • Capability to hear and understand what is being said, including the meaning of unsaid words and used language tones.
  • Respond in an appropriate manner, using the right set of words.

Crying for everything might work for a 1 year old, but a 10 year old or a teenage does not have the luxury to simply replace words with sounds. An authentic expression of thoughts is the only solution to the problem. The mentioned components, when suitably mixed, provide the needed communication support for enhanced self-image and self-monitored positive expression.

Why Conversation Club for communication skills training?

The focus at Conversation Club is imparting the needed elements of communication, while strictly working as per the individual child’s needs. Customized practical communication sessions for kids ensure learning at a reasonable pace. We understand their struggles and provide a communicative curriculum that enables learning & development.

Twisted Pygmalion connect between expectations & reality!!

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Every aspect of life has a story behind it, the Pygmalion effect beholds one too. Back in the day, the Greek sculptor Pygmalion had once, sculpted a woman out of ivory. Absolutely in awe of what he had just created, he turned the woman from a common to a personal noun and gave her the name ‘Galatea.’ There was no denying in the fact that he was profoundly, and deeply in love with ‘it.’ Inspired by his love, Aphrodite – the goddess of Venus decided to do him a favor and brought his significant other to life.

But why are we discussing Pygmalion & his love for Galatea … what is the relevance of this Greek anecdote today??

Pygmalion was so deeply obsessed with his sculpture that he imagined that the creation was a living person. His imagination or rather his obsession was so grave that the goddess granted his wish and in effect the sculpture indeed became a living person.

If we look at the situation from an aerial view, who gave life to Galatea? The Greek goddess or the creator Pygmalion’s love??

There’s a Pygmalion in all of us … we birth our reality as per our desires!!!

How is the Pygmalion and Galatea’s story connected to us, our situations? It was Pygmalion’s expectations which, in the first place motivated him to craft such a sculpture and inspired Aphrodite to bring Galatea to life.

In simpler words, the Pygmalion effect is a psychological phenomenon wherein our expectations from a person push that person to behave in the way we desire. Thus we decide the result beforehand and work in the direction to achieve it, which eventually leads to the same result.

Expectations = Behaviour = Result as per expectation.

To understand better, consider the experiment below:

An experiment regarding this subject was held in a school in a district of Mexico. Students were separated in two groups and they were led to believe that those in group A were better in terms of their ability & skills to read and thus were intelligent. Group B was also informed about this division criterion.

This made the students believe that A group had high expectations set from their respective teachers whereas the other flock believed that they had failed to make the teachers proud. This resulted in the first group, showing better academic excellence in comparison to the other, which withered.

How can it help??

The above mentioned phenomenon has several real life implications too. It can be used by seniors to motivate their unit to complete a project by setting high standards and expectations. It can be used by parents to make sure that their children score well in their upcoming exams and furthermore, it can also be smartly and statistically used by coaches to help their players win. There are 3E’s that help create such a situation:

  1. Elect – elect candidates who are fit for such a role, candidates who will not be harmed by such a psychological deliberation.
  2. Expect – create expectations and certain standards for the people elected.
  3. Eye – observe carefully how it affects them and their results.

Pygmalion effect sounds interesting, but is it ethical? Let us consider the Mexican school – study once again. The first group definitely improved but what about the second? It compromised one entire year of their academic lifespan and destroyed their confidence.

This leads us to the discovery of the Golem effect, also called the Pygmalion fall, which states that reduced expectations lead to diminished results. Both the effects are like two sides of a coin.

The golem effect is the segment of the Pygmalion effect which causes several drawbacks. It leads to a certain stereotype threat, a situation where people belonging to certain communities feel more vulnerable to conforming to stereotypes regarding their gender, caste, and status, hampering equality and perpetuating discrimination, especially in the cases of gender. Furthermore, it has a significant role in creating insecurities between siblings who go through what is commonly called ‘favoritism.’

This brings us to the commonly asked question, “Is the Pygmalion effect self-validating?”

The effect does create a condition where the expectations set do modify the final outcome. In other words, in such an event, an individual’s expectations about another person eventually result in the other person or entity acting in ways that confirm such expectations. So ultimately, yes, it can be called self-validating.

“Before we acquire great power, we must acquire wisdom to use it well.”

As for a final feedback, the Pygmalion effect may seem intriguing at some point, and may be a part of our daily life, but it needs to be controlled and used properly to make sure that there are no casualties, that is, no victims of the fall, or the Golem effect. All that glitters, after all, isn’t gold.

Is worshipping important – explaining religion to kids

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Do we impose … make rules or let them explore & decide for themselves!

I grew up in a fundamentally religious household. Like a typical pious Indian home, mornings were marked by devout prayers and evenings were filled with the aroma of scented incense sticks and dhoop cones. Bhajan and kirtan events were regular part of the lifestyle. At least 3-4 days of the week were considered auspicious and marked by temple visits and abstinence.

The conundrum – where do we stand?

As decades passed and generational roles changed, this pattern too underwent a transition. In order to keep pace with the changing lifestyle and on account of intelligence handed out by movies like Oh my God!, cultural norms took a shift. Following the established sanctimonious rituals, no longer seemed relevant. A tendency to question, to find out more arose. What is religion? Who is god? What are the parameters that separate one religious group from another? And to top that all, who are these new gen religious gurus? Where do they stand in the schema of spiritual things?

The answer to these questions is way too complicated to be encapsulated in this meagre post. Clarity in this direction requires immense research, self-awareness and most importantly courage to accept the unconventional. But who has the time…???

Honest questions – curiosities of a kid

Now that we aren’t sure of the answers, how do we explain our kids? My daughter asked about the Ram Mandir tussle and aroused questions that went deeper into ‘The Ramayana’. She also pointed out that there in fact is more than one version of this famous sacred scripture. There are different narratives and corresponding subtexts.

Stated is just an example; kids these days are questioning the entire schema of things. Especially with inter caste marriages, understanding the varying prerogatives is further complicating the already entangled scenario.

So what do we do? How do we handle the kids’ relationship to religion?

Listed below are few recommendations; your opinions might wary & suggestions are most welcomed:

  • Don’t school, offer the setting to experience, explore and believe – Faith cannot be forced and believing demands emotional investment. Provide the setting for the same by accompanying your kid to places of religion and exposing the varied scriptures. Let them navigate and pick a path.
  • Use religious holidays to explain the associated history and celebrate with a dose of culture. Explain the rituals and relevance of traditions being followed. Be it Diwali, Eid, Guru Purab or Christmas or any other religious day of celebration, make sure to introduce your child to the varied colorful facets.
  • We need faith, we need to believe in a greater power that guides. It doesn’t necessarily mean that god has to have a face. Talk about the force of greater good.
  • Don’t force religion down your child’s throat. If you push them to attend daily prayers at a time when their friends are out playing, an unwanted repulsion would be the byproduct.
  • Be willing to accept change. As parents we must evolve and if a situation must arise, we must be willing to allow our child’s beliefs in a different direction. Acceptance is the mantra of a parent’s life.  

Is your kid a gadget addict?

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Time to deal with your child’s screen time!

Kids, and to an extent us adults too, are becoming obsessively glued to our electronic gadgets. Be it the smartphone, smart watch or a tab or a laptop, unless we check the status or spend time scanning social media posts, the day seems incomplete. Smartphone screen in fact has now completely replaced the morning sun. Day starts by checking for new messages and we doze off to trending insta reels. Even mothers of 6 month old babies have their favorite lullaby song lists.

And the obsession is not all fun. Owing to this excessive, uncontrolled exposure to content, youngsters are falling victim to physical & mental torture. Their intellectual growth is being hampered and continual dependence on smartphones is discouraging creativity & initiative. In fact some online games have been banned for their addiction forming capabilities & associated side effects.

This has led to a serious situation and the concern is legitimate. Children are spending way too much time with their gadgets and this behavior ought to be curbed. But how … how do we prevent our kids from smartphones and other gadgets? How do we plan kid’s screen time? How do we manage the ever increasing obsession for gadgets?  

Gadget cleansing plan:

Merely fixing a schedule for permitted screen time is not the solution to the problem. Schedules are forgotten & ignored; what you need is a creative fix.

  • Begin by identifying an offline activity that your kid is interested in. For instance, there are special classes for kids where trainers indulge in activities like yoga / dance / pilates and more. Enrolling in such sessions offline, for even an hour, will keep your kid occupied for at least 2 hours a day (including time to dress up for the class & travel); not to forget the subsequent exhaustion, which will also help maintain the sleep schedule. Such classes, when attended under the guidance of a physical trainer, will keep them in shape and ensure complete supervision.  
  • Try the reverse psychology – Instead of blaming the gadgets and urging kids to stay away from them, encourage reading. Take your child to one of the fancy bookstores in a mall and let them feel glossy covers and shiny storybooks. Let them explore and pick as per their area of interest. Such a purchase will prompt deviation and shall boost creativity in kids.
  • Go old school – Encourage play dates, get together with other parents and organize group time. In such plans, make sure there are enough board games, playing cards, carom, crafty items and such playing equipment scattered in the room. Instead of lecturing the kids to stay away from their mobile screens, leave enough distractions around them. Rather than elaborating on the problems, keep alternate solutions handy.
  • Last but not least – set an example – set out an hour a day to bond with your kid, without gadgets. Strictly no phone and no TV; this will help with the detox process and also strengthen your bond with the kid. Communication is the key!

How to push an unmotivated child?

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Is there a simple solution to the complex puzzle??

Part I

65 marks aren’t bad mom … I’ll cleanup when I feel like and this is my room, let me be … Career? Sure I’ll do something, don’t nag me about it just yet! …I’ve been studying for half an hour already; what more do you want? … I am not fat, don’t body shame me mom. I’ll work out when I feel like and now is not the time.

If as a parent, you are able to relate with any of the mentioned remarks, then you are certainly dealing with a laidback kid. Younger ones can still be managed, but teenagers are an even tougher challenge. So how do we deal with the situation? How do we motivate children? What all practices or tools could encourage positive action and effort?

The science of motivation – it all starts at the beginning!!

Psychological research suggests that parents, guardians and mentors can motivate and promote learning. There is this whole science behind motivation that can be applied. Apparently, there are intrinsic and extrinsic drivers that enable the cause. As per research (citation source: working paper 14 Developing Child / Harvard), approach & avoidance motivation decide the response. In case of the former i.e. approach motivation, we are tempted to undertake a task if we feel that we will enjoy doing so. As for avoidance motivation, as the name suggests, we feel that it is an unwanted situation & thus react with a flight or fight response.

Sounds intelligent however what are the practical implications of these fancy terms? Is there a simpler way in which we can perhaps breakdown this scientific jargon and filter through it to an understandable solution? Let’s try and see how far we can go…

In layman’s terms!

Imagine you are 14 years old…

You have been invited to a Diwali bash at a friend’s place; your whole gang is going to be there and gossip about the fancy party is already buzzing on your phone. On the same fateful day however, an uncle too has planned a family dinner. This uncle is a really close relative and the older members of the clan really bit too well. He has kids your age and your parents seem awfully excited about the plan. Again imagine yourself in this hypothetical situation. For a few moments, do not think like a parent. Let the teenager in you overpower and analyze the factors that would decide the succeeding course of action.

If we breakdown the situation and attempt a correlation with approach & avoidance motivational drivers, quite naturally the kid would be tempted to make as many excuses to avoid the family get together. Conversations and behaviors over the next few days would be driven by excuses to drop out of the tasks related to the family event. As a parent, with limited knowledge of the upcoming Diwali bash at friend’s place, it all will appear as an attitude problem. But the underlying cause here is the overpowering avoidance mechanism, which is inciting the flight response.

To be continued…  

Are we allowed to be selfish … Is guilt part of parenting?

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Balancing our lives – individual vs. parent

What was your last vacation like? Did you dare to order yourself a couple of cocktails and thought of granting the parent in you a little bit of rest?

Or as a parent, do you compulsively feel obligated to be always there for the child and even a minute of me time seems like a punishable offense?

What is the definition of an ideal parent?

An ideal parent is one who is always available for the child. This ideal – godlike figure lends an ear when needed, physically offers all the support, is a highly understanding and rational human being who knows the child in and out and is always ready for emotional support and love. The definition doesn’t really end here … there’s more!

This perfect parent is also a super human, who while being available at all times, is able to work in a highly competitive world and is capable of managing all other relationship responsibilities. This parent is the financial provider and emotional support system for the rest of the family.

Quite pertinently, while managing all of the above, a modern day parent must also meet the societal tag of a ‘cool parent’!!!

The guilt trap

Parents are a kid’s role model and therefore they are obligated to comply with the strict parent code. However, this parent code or the model that defines the best parent, in itself seems like a guilt trap.

Take a typical mother for instance. If the woman decided to work, she’d be held liable for ignoring her child – who cares if she ever was ambitious and had aspirations of her own. On the contrary, if this woman decided to become a stay at home mom and be there, she’ll be held liable for not providing the much needed financial support – who cares if she will tirelessly work to save every penny for her child’s future.

Even for dads, the roles are no longer defined. Unlike ancient times, when their job was to get the bread on the table, they are now expected to play a highly evolved role. No wonder concepts like paternity break are under continuous scrutiny. Should dads be allowed a 6 month paternity leave? Shouldn’t they be allowed to spend time with the young ones? Isn’t a father’s bond as crucial as a mother’s responsibility towards their child?

Where does it end??

We’ll the grave encapsulation of the story is that it doesn’t really end. Parenting is a task, a responsibility that the parents always carry and irrespective of their decisions and preferences, the criticisms never end. Raising a kid used to take a village and with the new modern age family nuances, this village barely comprises 2 – 4 people.

Thus, remember that people will always judge and the parent inside you will never let you win. In this endless tussle, allow yourself a little break and let the individual live. That will not only help you emotionally elevate, but it shall also bestow the needed courage to be a loving parent.