It’s the time of the year marked by board results, entrance exams, college admissions and consequently palpating anxiety amongst parents and children. While on one hand we all want what is best for our kid, on the other, there’s this ever bloated need to compete and prove that our kid is indeed the best. Even a score in the 90s could be considered bad if Guptaji’s or Sharmaji’s daughter managed to secure more.
The nonsensical – glorified ‘winner child’ trophy
Well first of all, this silly race, which inadvertently all Indian parents seem to get into, is not restricted to academic conquests. It is not just about high scores or grades; we need our kids to be simply the best at everything. Be it athletic pursuits or knowledge about the latest online apps, socializing amongst the ‘in circles’ or being appropriately aware and woke, we want them to be on top of their game.
The ideology is pretty straightforward – it is a cruel world and we’d like to establish superiority through our kids. While we say we do this to motivate kids and ensure they are ready for tomorrow, intrinsically it is like winning a trophy, every second of every day. We want them to post the reels for maximum likes and at the same time be smart enough to absorb all academic material and of course maintain the ideally acceptable physical appearance. And to this end, we compare, we push, we nag and end up creating space for toxic resentment.
Consequences of this insane, imaginary parent-competition…
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Stress
- Broken relationships
- Long term damage to child’s self-esteem and confidence
- Insatiable desires
While we want the ideal child who is confident, comfortable, balanced, empathetic and compassionate, we end up creating an environment that reeks of toxicity, immorality, irreparable damaged bonds and self-hatred.
The solution – ‘Acceptance’
This one word solution seems deceptively simple in theory; however, when it comes to practical applications, it is awfully complicated. In other words – easier said than done!
If you wish to foster relationships and raise a psychologically healthy child, try the idea of acceptance. Rather than incessantly comparing marks or trying to eradicate every minor flaw, accept your child in their own element. Excellence and creativity thrive in an environment governed by unconditional support and acknowledgement. It has been scientifically proven that if a child feels safe and nurtured, skills like learning and processing naturally develop.
Formative years are crucial
While it is pertinent to ensure a cordial environment, in the early years, it is especially critical. Aspects like self esteem and skill building, that are essential for success, are critically seeded in early years of kid’s learning and education. A child discovers the strengths best at a leisurely pace, in a safe environment. Parental resentment and flames of undue competition tend to burn this ideal learning environment for children.
L R Knost beautifully summarised the idea in a few words:
It’s not our job to toughen our children up to face a cruel and heartless world. It’s our job to raise children who will make the world a little less cruel and heartless.
