Is there a simple solution to the complex puzzle??
Part I
65 marks aren’t bad mom … I’ll cleanup when I feel like and this is my room, let me be … Career? Sure I’ll do something, don’t nag me about it just yet! …I’ve been studying for half an hour already; what more do you want? … I am not fat, don’t body shame me mom. I’ll work out when I feel like and now is not the time.
If as a parent, you are able to relate with any of the mentioned remarks, then you are certainly dealing with a laidback kid. Younger ones can still be managed, but teenagers are an even tougher challenge. So how do we deal with the situation? How do we motivate children? What all practices or tools could encourage positive action and effort?
The science of motivation – it all starts at the beginning!!
Psychological research suggests that parents, guardians and mentors can motivate and promote learning. There is this whole science behind motivation that can be applied. Apparently, there are intrinsic and extrinsic drivers that enable the cause. As per research (citation source: working paper 14 Developing Child / Harvard), approach & avoidance motivation decide the response. In case of the former i.e. approach motivation, we are tempted to undertake a task if we feel that we will enjoy doing so. As for avoidance motivation, as the name suggests, we feel that it is an unwanted situation & thus react with a flight or fight response.
Sounds intelligent however what are the practical implications of these fancy terms? Is there a simpler way in which we can perhaps breakdown this scientific jargon and filter through it to an understandable solution? Let’s try and see how far we can go…
In layman’s terms!
Imagine you are 14 years old…
You have been invited to a Diwali bash at a friend’s place; your whole gang is going to be there and gossip about the fancy party is already buzzing on your phone. On the same fateful day however, an uncle too has planned a family dinner. This uncle is a really close relative and the older members of the clan really bit too well. He has kids your age and your parents seem awfully excited about the plan. Again imagine yourself in this hypothetical situation. For a few moments, do not think like a parent. Let the teenager in you overpower and analyze the factors that would decide the succeeding course of action.
If we breakdown the situation and attempt a correlation with approach & avoidance motivational drivers, quite naturally the kid would be tempted to make as many excuses to avoid the family get together. Conversations and behaviors over the next few days would be driven by excuses to drop out of the tasks related to the family event. As a parent, with limited knowledge of the upcoming Diwali bash at friend’s place, it all will appear as an attitude problem. But the underlying cause here is the overpowering avoidance mechanism, which is inciting the flight response.
To be continued…